Love Is... (Part 67 - Unresolved)

“Home sweet home…”

Darryl let out a sigh of relieve when he step into his house... Finally everything is back to normal… He left his luggage at the living room and just went straight to his bedroom… Kenny followed behind…

Both of them just lied next to each other exhausted… They looked at each other and Darryl moved forward and planted a kiss on Kenny… He pulled Kenny towards him and rested on his chest…

Kenny: “Dear, are you ok?”
Darryl: “Yup…”
Kenny: “You sure? You been very quiet since you read the letter…”
Darryl: “Nothing… Just having some thought on the letter…”
Kenny: “Care to share with me?”
Darryl: “There is something in the letter where he mentioned how his life will be so unbearable without Tommy around and he find himself silly in promising Tommy to live on but he find no reason to do so anymore… Just thinking how is he doing now…”
Kenny: “I am sure he will be fine… You have to have faith in him”
Darryl: “I know…”
Kenny: “Close your eyes and just take a nap…”
Darryl: “Nothing means more than anything now to just hear his voice again, to feel his touch and to hear him say I love you… Just from these words, I realize the love he had for Tommy is forever and ever…”
Kenny: “Me too… During these few days, I saw him putting up the strong front for everybody because of a promise he made to Tommy… And it gives me hope that True love do exist in our circle… And I hope I can make it forever and ever with you…”
Darryl: “Me too… But…” Darryl remembered Jason…
Kenny: “But what?”
Darryl: “I think you still have something unresolved…” Kenny thinking hard on what is unresolved…
Kenny: “I don’t remember I have anything left to resolve…”
Darryl: “Yes, there is and you promise you will resolve it…”
Kenny: “Erm…Oh… You mean him but there is nothing else to resolve as he has not called me a single time since that day”
Darryl: “I c… And that because you didn’t switch on your phone during the whole trip…”
Kenny: “OK… I go switch on my phone and prove to you that he has moved on…”

*Beep Beep… Beep Beep…* Message alert… Darryl looks at Kenny… Kenny stared at his phone… A total of 57 messages since he switched off his phone…

Darryl: “So… I am still waiting for you to prove to me… Still waiting…”
Kenny: “Erm… If you really want me to see him then I will do it so to put everything at ease… I also don’t want to jeopardize my future with you forever…”
Darryl: “I guess it up to you on what you want to do”
Kenny: “I want to take a nap now and I will arrange to meet him with you…”
Darryl: “Why?”
Kenny: “Don’t know… I just think that since you are my lover, you should be around… As an action of showing you that I mean business with you…”
Darryl: “Business with me?”
Kenny: “Yes I want to show you that I have and always will be faithful and honest with you… No more hiding and secrets…”
Darryl: “Huh? Don’t think I understand you…”
Kenny: “What I am trying to say is I love you and I am seriously mad about you…”
Darryl: “…”
Kenny: “Yes… I know it may be very mushy but seriously dear… from these few days with Robin and Tommy… It seems to make me realize that I am so madly in love with you…”
Darryl: “I’m going to sleep… Night”
Kenny: “Hey… I have not finished…” Darryl was smiling…
Darryl: “Am very tired now… Need to sleep… Continue later…”
Kenny: “No… Let me finish…” Darryl yawned and pretended to sleep but Kenny tickled him…
Darryl: “Hahahaha…. Ok Ok Ok….Hahahaha… I surrendered” Kenny turns him over and look into his eyes…
Kenny: “I may not be the best boyfriend in the world for you and I may not be the perfect guy for you but one thing I know for sure is I love you… Nothing beats seeing you and hearing your voice everyday… You completed my life and I hope I will be able to for you as well… I love you…”
Darryl: “I know… I love you too…” Kenny planted a kiss on Darryl and hugs him tightly and they both go to sleep.

The next morning, Darryl woke up earlier as usual and decided to prepare breakfast for Kenny… But when he opened up his fridge, he realizes that he has nothing in it except for 2 eggs and some fruits… So he drops the idea and decided to head downstair to buy breakfast as well… But when he walking back into the bedroom, he heard Kenny talking on the phone… He came to a stop and stood there… He wanted to walk away but the curiosity inside make him stay right at the door step… He can’t make out of the whole conversation but he knew the call was make to Jason… But he vaguely heard something..

“Don’t sms me anymore… You’re getting me into trouble… I need to speak to you anyway… So we will meet later at Raffles City 3pm… See you later…”

After Darryl confirmed that Kenny is off the line… He walked into the bedroom... He saw Kenny sitting by the bed with his phone… Darryl tried to pretend he didn’t hear the conversation…

Kenny: “Dear, I just called Jason and have arranged to meet at 3pm at Raffles City… So you want to go there earlier for lunch…”
Darryl: “OK…” Darryl smiled and am glad that Kenny didn't lied to him about the phone call
Kenny: “Hmm… Someone is in good mood today… Think I’m getting lucky this morning…” He reached out his hand and pull Darryl onto the bed… Before Darryl can even react, Kenny’s body was on top of his and looking at him lustfully…

To be continue…

Note:

At this point of time, some of you maybe wondering why Darryl still insist in resolving the issue with Jason… Well the reason is very simple; to Darryl all relationship should be ended in the right manner… Nobody deserve to be leave hanging around still hoping that something would ever happen… It always take 2 hands to clap but if one is not clapping then he should at least to the right thing and give the other party an answer that maybe able to help him to move on with a brand new relationship.

Yes sometime truth may hurt but it still better to just leave the other party hanging…

Most time love is unexplainable; you may not have an answer to why you fall in love or fall out of love but again, giving closure to a relationship will also help both parties to move on better…

Depressed!!!

I am back to where i belong again... This used to be an unfamiliar territory to me seems to have drawn much attention and attract me back in again... It all become familiar to me now

I've been crying over the story based on my best memory the events happening in my life... All the up and downs, the happy and sad... Some friends asked me to take a break so as to allow myself to get a breather instead but then i just keep on writing and writing and writing... But do take some time to post it on my blog...

Somehow i starting to get very tired of my life... So tired that thought of suicide has once again arises inside me... I trying to fight but more disappointment comes by... No matter how i tried to fight it, disappointment always win... And that thought just come closer and closer and closer to the verge of that final push...

A friend once told me that i can trust him for who he is... but recently, i find out that our so called friendship is just based on lies and lies and more lies... Then a new relationship blossom for him, all sudden, this friendship withered...

I don't know what to do... And i don't know how things going to turn up... Yesterday, we suppose to meet up for coffee but i cancel it because of an action from him that i know he is not keen in meeting me.... Thus I msn his boyfriend in the morning as i do not have my friend number (irony? yes it is though he said he going to sms me his temporary number but i din receive it from him thus i realise that once again, he don't really mean of meeting me) So i msn his boyfriend trying to be nice guy saying that hey since we are going to club today, we shall see each other today. Boyfriend replied ok he is here with me... Will let him know

So today come, i received an sms from his boyfriend saying that they need to cancel the meeting tonight because they have something on... Yes you read it correctly, the sms is from his boyfriend, not him... So what kind of friendship are we actually having? I no longer sure and seriously i start to have doubt whether i really wanted to carry on this friendship with him...

I getting very tired... Really very tired...

Love Is... (Part 66 - Letter)

After the wake and funeral, Kenny took a very long time to talk to Robin but he just refused to come back to Singapore with them. No matter what was spoken to him. But Robin is very stubborn in this area. He wants to be there with Tommy and stay there with him. So without much they can do, Kenny and Darryl flew back to Singapore leaving their number with the driver to call them if anything arises…

During their flight back, Darryl and Kenny realized that both of them were still very worried about Robin…

Darryl: “Dear… I am really worried…”
Kenny: “About Robin?”
Darryl: “Yup… I was taken aback by his calmness over the past few days.”
Kenny: ‘Me too… When I was talking to him, he seems so relax but yet… I don’t know how to describe the vibe that he is sending me but it does scare me out a bit…”
Darryl: “What do you mean?”
Kenny: “I don’t know how to put it but during a moment of the conversation with him, he actually seems to be like he is going to….”
Darryl: “Going to what?”
Kenny: “Going to end his life…but…”
Darryl: “What!!! And you tell me only now!!! How can you keep such thing from me? We should not be on the flight back.. How can you just ignore the signal from him and worst not telling me until we are how many thousand feet above ground… How can…”
Kenny: “Wait… I have not finished… He assured me that he is not going to do it… Cos he promised Tommy at his death bed that he will live on…”
Darryl: “So?” Giving Kenny the angry look for keeping information from me
Kenny: “Seriously do you know Robin well?”
Darryl: “Of course… I had been friend with him for so long…”
Kenny: “Then you tell me what you know about him then…”
Darryl: “Why are you changing topic? I am asking why didn’t you tell me about Robin?”
Kenny: “Because from what I know about him, he is someone who keep to his promise… From the past few days I was with him during the funeral… He didn’t drop a single tears because of his promise to Tommy. When he make a vow to be with him till death do them apart, he really keep to his promise even it means that he had to sleep on the street with him to make Tommy sees his determination… So I know and I trust him that he will not do it because he promises Tommy…”
Darryl: “But still you should not hide this from me…”
Kenny: “I decided not to tell you because I know that how you will react and it may add stress to him.
Darryl: “Yet…”
Kenny: “I’m sorry… But I just feel that this is better for him... Don’t be angry…”
Darryl: “You know how I hate people lying to me… What make thing worst is I keep asking you and you keep saying everything under control... Then all sudden you drop a bomb on me… So anything else i didn’t know about?”
Kenny: “Erm….. Actually…. Yes…”
Darryl: “What is it?”
Kenny: “He asked me to give you this only when we are back in Singapore…” Kenny took out a letter from his bag…
Darryl: “What is this?”
Kenny: “A note from him… You decided whether you want to open it now or back to Singapore ba…” Darryl opens the envelope and started reading.

“Darryl,

I know it going to be tough for you now to understand why I am writing to you instead of talking to you personally… I am confused too myself but somehow I think writing to you will be easier than talking…

Since Tommy passed away, I am no longer sure the purpose of living anymore. Without him, my life just collapsed but I am trying hard to fight against the thought of ending my life because I promised Tommy that I will live on… Sometime I find myself silly in promising him because I know my life will be so unbearable without his laughter, his presence and his touch… I miss him so much… Nothing means more than anything now to just hear his voice again, to feel his touch and to hear him say he loves me… But all these will remains as just a memory to me… Something that I will treasure for the remaining period of my life…

I know Tommy requested you to bring me back to Singapore as he couldn’t bear to see me alone here in Thailand living in seclusion but I really lost and scare now and I do not want to be a burden to you or Kenny though I know both of you will stay behind to take care of me… I know you mean well but I don’t think it is right for me… I have been staying in Thailand for the past 7 years so you can say that Thailand is now my home… I don’t want to be back in Singapore to start all over again… Maybe I am just not ready to leave this place where I have called home for the past years… If my health allowed, I will sure drop by Singapore again and you two can come by to visit me as well…

I have to say a big thank you to both of you for being here for me and accompany Tommy till the end… I have never seen him so happy since we shifted to this place and never seen him so cheerful until both of you come along…Your presence really make a difference. I am happy that at least the last few days, he is happy….

When I was in the ward with him seeing him getting weaker every second, yet he still told me that he is glad to see both you and Kenny again as he heard so much about both of you from me with regards to the ups and downs. He say that he really hope that we can be like you guys, He wishes that he can spend more time with me even if it is just another year, month or even day… He still got so much to accomplish in his life with me but then he has to leave me here. He apologizes continuously to me for causing me this but I don’t blame him… You know why because both you and Kenny have shown me what love is all about… The support you give us, the love you have for us, and everything that happen and you guys being there really make a difference… Thank you for everything you guys have done for us… We really appreciate it…

Lastly, i just want to say this to you… Treasure what you have now and don’t give up unless you cannot handle the stress… It never easy to find someone who love you so much… Seriously from how Kenny have shown and talked to me this few days, I know he really love you and care for you… Even Tommy said it so hard to find true love… You may still have doubt in the incident but then again, you have already given him a second chance so just enjoy it and see what happen… You shape your own future…

Like me, I thought I will be with Tommy forever but then now we are apart and I am left alone here in this world on my world… But for all I know, he has given me the best 7 years of my life… Nothing can overtake it… Nothing can…

I miss him so much…. I really do…

You take care….

Love,
Robin”

Darryl put down the letter and looks up to Kenny and planted a kiss on his lip… Totally not bothering about anybody around them… They paused and looked at each other…

“I love you…”

“I love you too…”

To be continue...

Congratulation!!!

I am putting aside the story for this simple congratulation message to 2 friends of mine…

To K,

You have once again surprise me with your actions in love though am really unhappy with the facts that you lied to me or should I say kind of pissed.. But then again, I am glad that you finally decided to come out of the closet and enjoy the new relationship… (Or I think you are)

Though most time, I think I don’t really understand you with your actions and words but am really truly happy for you...

To D,

Though i don't really know you that well :P... But from the past few days, all the msn conversation that we have... It's nice to have you as a friend... (hopefully you feel the same way too)... Oh almost forget... You still owe me a Mango Tree... Hehehe... Where is it!!!

To both,

Love is always a wonderful thing and feeling to express yourself in… It always easy to fall in love but never easy to be in love… There will always be a honeymoon period and always will be ups and downs… The real challenge is not about falling in love with a person but more on how to overcome the downs and shared the ups together… Love is always so mysterious and hit you when you least expected... And i think it really have hit both of you hard... :P

Hopefully this time round, you are here to commit… Wish the 2 of you all the best and have a wonderful relationship...

From,
MG

Love Is... (Part 65 - Goodbye Tommy)

*At the cafeteria…

Darryl: “So anything you want to tell me?”
Kenny: “Tommy decided to end his life tonight…”
Darryl: “What do you mean?”
Kenny: “He feels bad of burdening Robin and he feel that Robin got so much more to accomplish without him around but he left his job to be with him and stay by his side. And he feels that he is adding to his burden both financially and also emotionally.”
Darryl: “Are you sure?”
Kenny: “This is what he said earlier but I guess he need not need to do that as his time is up soon as well…”
Darryl: “I don’t understand, if he is feeling that way then why he is coming back to Robin then…”
Kenny: “He didn’t want to but Robin on the hand was very persistent and insisted he come with him… There is even a point where Robin sleeps next to him on the street just to make him go back…”
Darryl: “Are you sure? Robin really did that?”
Kenny: “I can’t be sure but Tommy said so… Tommy regretted and said that he should have insisted not to come back… At least the pain will be short, now knowing that he is going to die, he know that it will only prolong the pain that Robin is going to go through… During both the conversation that I have with him, he just keep saying how much he have hurt Robin by coming back..”
Darryl: “But isn’t him hurting Robin too if he choose not to come back?”
Kenny: “That’s the confusing part which till today after seeing that he realize, it will only do less hurt to Robin as Robin still have us to talk to and rely on… And the hurt will be short-lived as he know that we will be there for Robin and pull him through.. But know, he is totally lost… Numerous of time that he wanted to leave but then he thought of Robin and give up the idea… But somehow today, he seems determine to go and not be found forever… And he did mentioned to die far away from Robin will be easier for him as well… Because….”
Darryl: “Because???”
Kenny: “Because he know he will never bear to bid farewell to Robin and he know that Robin will have the same problem…”
Darryl: “Like Robin has said, he is all he got for the past 7 years… So I guess when he finds out that Tommy is not cheating on him, he just feels that it is his responsibility to take care of him since they are here together and make a pact to be together forever… It was the most romantic and wonderful ceremony that I have ever been… The passion and commitment that they have… So I guess Robin really take his vow seriously… “Till death do us part”… Maybe this is what true love is all about”
Kenny: “Though I don’t know both of them that much… I find their love relationship that human being would dream… Robin doing whatever he can for Tommy and Tommy ensuring that Robin is well taken care of should anything happen to him… There is only thing that stand between them now…”
Darryl: “I know… Time is what standing in between them now… How long more can they hold on to each other until then…”
Kenny: “I really hope that they can pull through this…”
Darryl: “I hope so too…”

Kenny looked at Darryl and gives him an assuring look. Darryl took Kenny hand and nothing else was spoken and they just sat there drinking their coffee waiting for the time to pass…

* Tick Tock Tick Tock*

Not sure why but as each second goes by, their heart just keeping sinking deeper and deeper and deeper… It like waiting for something to happen but not in the good way…

Then the moment finally came, the nurse come rushing to the cafeteria requesting for both of them back to the ward…

When they reached at the room, they saw Robin lying on the couch… No matter how they call him, there is just no reaction from him… Darryl sat down next to him trying to talk to him while Kenny approached any nurse coming out of the ward for update…

Darryl sits by Robin watching doctor and nurse rushing in and out of the ward. Machine being push here and there… Kenny standing by the door trying to get an update... Robin on the other hand just sits there literally motionless… Darryl not sure what he can do but just sit there beside Robin…

Finally, the doctor came out of the ward… Kenny approached him and led him to Robin… This time round the doctor speak in simple English to everyone…

“I’m sorry but we had done our best…” That all he spoke and left… All of them were left sitting at the couch speechless… No big emotion breakdown, No tears, just speechless…

Darryl and Kenny decided to bring Robin into the ward to see Tommy one last time… They know that when Robin is in the ward, he will breakdown… Darryl sees it as a let go of emotion which will help Robin to feel better… But surprisingly when in the ward, Robin was calm and walk towards Tommy… Held his hand and speak the word that brings both Darryl and Kenny to tears… Even till today, it still lingers in Darryl’s mind…

“Tommy, I know you are still around here listening to me…. Since I know you 7 years ago, you have always been the centre of my life… Because of you, I know what is love all about… Because of you, I realized I can love someone so much… Because of you, I started to grow up… I no longer the person you know 7 years ago… I have grown and I will take care of myself… Don’t worry about me... I know you are but from where you are now, I know you will still look after me… I will always be your dear even though now death really do us part physically but my love for you will never be lesser than what it used to be… You are the perfect guy for me… Though it is just 7 years but to me, this is the happiest period of my entire life… I am committed to you and am glad that you have done the same for me… Goodbye my love… I love you…”

Darryl was brought to tears by Robin words… Though it is simple but it touches Darryl… But Robin reaction was unexpected… No tears... No emotional breakdown… just calm and relax… Maybe he has expected this to happen… Maybe Tommy said something to him before his last breath…

Kenny stood next to Darryl holding him while watching Robin holding to Tommy… Two couples in the room, 2 different feelings... They just stood there... Total silence….

It’s a trip that none of them will ever forget….

Note:
“Tommy is always a fun loving guy that really treated Robin well… Never thought that this will be the ending. But yet maybe like the elder say fate has play a game and it time to end the game. I always remember his jokes and the laughter he will bring whenever I visited Thailand to visit Robin. Their little body language shows me that True Love do exist but it never easy to come by… But once it here, no matter how you want to hide from it, you will never be able to avoid it… And this is what happens here, 7 year ago in a pub in a humble little country, 2 guys cross path and meet… Love explored and the rest is history… But yet for the last 7 years while they are together, they keep to their promise and commitment… Isn’t this what everyone of us in the real world is hoping… To find a person who loves you and lead a simple yet fulfilling life together…”

Love Is... (Part 64 - Lost)

*Back in the ward…

Robin was still holding to Tommy’s hand but he too fallen asleep beside Tommy…

Without walking into the ward to wake them out, Kenny and Darryl decided to just sit at the waiting lounge and rest…

It was a rainy day, Darryl and Kenny was sharing an umbrella while walking on a quiet street… They stop at the cross junction waiting the light to turn red… They were chatting along happily and finally the light turn red… Kenny hold on to Darryl’s hand to cross the road…

Suddenly a loud horn was heard, Kenny turn to look and immediately pushes Darryl away… Darryl fall and look back… Kenny was knocked down and flew a distance away… Darryl tried to stand up and run towards Kenny… He runs and runs and runs but no matter how fast he runs… He just could get near Kenny… Darryl was devastated… He saw Kenny body lying in a pool of blood but he just couldn’t get to him…

“Kenny… Kenny… Don’t leave me… Kenny!!!!” He shouted

“I’m here… I’m here….” He heard a voice… He turned and looked nobody was there… But the voice keeps sounding out to him… He feels his body being shaken… Suddenly a bright light shone onto him…

Then he saw Kenny…

Kenny: “Are you ok? What happen?” Darryl hugged Kenny tightly and started crying
Darryl: “I…. I saw that you been crashed by a vehicle… And no matter how I run and run, I just can’t get to you…”
Kenny: “It’s just a dream… I still here with you… Don’t cry…”

Just then Robin sat down beside them…

Robin: “What happen?”
Kenny: “Nothing… He just has a nightmare that I met with an accident… How’s Tommy?”
Robin: “He woke up already so I called the doc to take a look at him…”
Darryl: “Will he be ok?”
Robin: “Don’t know but hopefully he will… I don’t what my life will be without him…”
Kenny: “I’m sure he will be fine…”

Nothing was spoken for the next 30min so but everyone can sense the intensity between the 3 of them… The nervousness, the fear, the worry all clustered into a big confusion…
All just sat there waiting for the latest update from the doctor… The clock ticked slowly and it been more than an hour now, Robin started to get a bit uncomfortable with the wait.. He paced up and down the waiting area…

Finally, he saw the doctor walking out of the ward…All of them rushing toward him but Robin broke into tears after just one sentence from the doctor... Both Kenny and Darryl could not make out what was being spoken but from the agony of Robin, they could roughly guess what the news is about… But Kenny just wanted to be sure so he tried to speak to the doctor while Darryl stays behind to accompany Robin.

Not long after Kenny came back, Darryl looked at him… Kenny shook his head and Darryl got the confirmation on the news… They looked at each other and just stand there for Robin to give him the support…

Kenny: “Robin, you got to be strong… Tommy still needs you…”
Robin: “What can I do now? What can I do now?”
Kenny: “Stay by his side till death does you apart… We cannot change what is going to happen to him but we can change ourselves to make him happy right? Crying here won’t help him as well… I know it easier said than done but you have to try… At least he can leave in peace knowing that you are alright and able to take care of yourself…”
Darryl: “He is right, Robin… I had been through that stage… Nothing means more than being there for him right now and let him know that you will be alright…”
Robin: “How I can be alright without him? He has been my life support for the past 7 years… I live for him and breathe for him… Now he is leaving me for good and never come back… how… how…” Robin just keeps crying…
Kenny: “It hurts me as much as you… Even though I don’t really know him that well but when I talked to him, I can sense it that he really can’t bear to leave you behind yet he knows it is impossible to turn back time… He regrets every moment of doing drug and got himself into this, worst you are infected too. That is why he doesn’t dare to face you and choose to leave… I cannot express his guilt on his behalf, I cannot express how remorseful he is… But then again, I can feel how he feels… The look in his eyes tells me so much more than the words coming out… And I know you are the person that he cared most... Since we arrived here, he has not ask less than don’t know how many time asking us to bring you back to Singapore with us so you will be here alone… He could be holding on now, fighting to stay here as long as he can… But then, you know he is suffering even if he can make it through… Look at his fragile frame, look at his face… We know that he is suffering… And I am sure you know what you can do for him… It going to be tough but I’m sure you know it inside you what you can do for him”
Darryl: “Dear, why don’t we leave Robin and think about it?”
Kenny: “I thinking of that too…”
Darryl: “Robin, why don’t you go in and talk to Tommy…”

Robin nodded and slowly walks into the ward.

Kenny: “Let go the cafeteria for a drink…”
Darryl: “Yup and I think we need to talk as well…”
Kenny: “I know…”

To be continue….

Love Is... (Part 63 - Tommy)

“Call the ambulance… Quick!!!” Kenny shouted… Robin was looking down at Tommy…

“Robin… Call the ambulance!!!” Robin regained his composure and went in to call the ambulance…

“Come on, Tommy… Wake up… Don’t give up yet… Come on… Wake up… Dear, can you pass me a pillow and blanket… Dear, don’t just stand there… Go get it…” In a commotion, Darryl rushed up to the bedroom and grabs the pillow and blanket and passed it to Kenny… Soon, Robin returned and informs that ambulance will be here soon… Kenny rest assured to them that Tommy should be ok…

It took almost 45 min before the ambulance arrived… Kenny took charged and talked to the nurse in charge and followed them in the ambulance while Robin and Darryl travel there by car…

When they arrived at the hospital, Kenny was sitting at the lounge waiting. Robin broke into tears…

Kenny: “Don’t worry… Doctor said he will be fine… Just have a slight cardio failure…”
Robin: “I… I…”
Kenny: “Shhh… Nothing is going to happen to him… Everything is going to be ok… He is going to be fine…”
Robin: “Thank you so much… I really don’t what will happen to him if you not here…”
Kenny: “Hey, I am just putting what I know to use… So I guess army does help… You have to be strong ok… He needs you now more than anybody else, OK? So you have to be strong…”
Robin: “I don’t know whether I can… I so lost and scare just now… I’m scare of losing him…”
Kenny: “It not going to be easy for both of you… But both of you should not just give up fighting… The path in front of you maybe dimming as you sees it… But make full use of it; make full use of it to fight… Nobody can tell how the future to be… But if you fight on, there will be hope…Maybe it tough for both of you, but as least one of you is fighting then it will motivate the other…” Robin looked at Kenny and nodded in agreement.

Doctor come over and informed them Tommy is now at stable condition but will need to admit to further monitoring… He spoke something to Robin in Thai and then Robin excused himself with the doctor… Darryl was still in shocked of what had happened… Kenny approached him…

Kenny: “Are you ok?”
Darryl: “Yup… Just shocked…”
Kenny: “I know… Everything happens too sudden… But at least he is ok now…”
Darryl: “I am so relieved… You were with him just now… I would be total loss of what to do”
Kenny: “Seriously, I am unsure of what I am doing too… Just remember my first aid course in army so I guess it help that I still have vague memory of what I learn… But frankly, I also don’t know what I am doing…”
Darryl: “Thank you…”
Kenny: “Hey, stop all these Thank you… Tommy is also my friend so it rightfully for me to do something… So how is your conversation with Robin just now?”
Darryl: “I hope it work but I think your message drive deeper into him just now…”
Kenny: “I don’t understand…”

Darryl then give an update to Kenny on how Robin has not been seeking treatment and thinking that he would want to suffer together with Tommy. Kenny expressed shocked by the thinking then Darryl said

Darryl: “You know when I saw Robin looking so helpless and sad during the ride here… I finally understand why he made such a decision because it so hard to go through he pain of losing someone you loved… Just like me when I lose grandma, I just lose the will to carry on…”
Kenny: “It always easy to tell others to fight on but the truth, how many actually give a fight… Support from your loved one is very important at any stage of life because without them, life will be meaningless… Be it friends, lover, family or anyone that matters, as long as there is even one person in the world cares for you, it definitely worth the fight… I guess Robin may have made the wrong decision but hopefully he will realize that Tommy needs him to win the fight together…”
Darryl: “I understand... I hope i can be as strong as you to support Robin also... But I am just to emotional..."

Kenny: "Nothing wrong with being emotional. I too feel it, it just that i conceal it better that all... I am sad by the incident and about what Tommy have thought me, the guilt that he have, the regret that he have, the pain he is going through, the suffering he claimed he brought upon himself and many other things... I feel it too... But i have to be a stronger front to listen to him and let him pour out everything... Things that he been keeping in his heart for so long... Things that he want to tell Robin but have no courage to... I can just be his confidant... A listener... A friend that give support... If i cried along with him, it will only make him feel worst... Don't you agreed?"

Darryl: "I agreed... So what do Tommy tell you while you are with him?”
Kenny: “Erm… I’ll tell you later when we are back… Let go check on Tommy first, shall we?”
Darryl: “OK…”

So they proceed to the ward and see Tommy, they saw Robin at the bedside holding on to Tommy’s hand tightly… Kenny and Darryl approached him… The moment he saw Kenny, he just hold on to Kenny and start crying hysterically….

“Shhh… Everything will be ok... Shhh…” Kenny tried to console Robin and calm him down but this goes on for more than 15 min before Robin finally calm down and stop crying…

Kenny: “Feeling better?”
Robin: “Sorry…”
Kenny: “Don’t be… We’re here for you… What do the doctor said to you?”
Robin: “He asked me to prepare for the worst… eventhough he is in stable condition but he is very weak so he might not make it through…” Robin started crying again…
Kenny: “Hey, it may not be that bad… Think positive… Doctor say he might not but there is still chance that he might make it… Tommy is a fighter and I am sure he will make it through…”
Robin: “You sure?”
Kenny: “Life may be unpredictable at times… So what the doctor said might not be true as well… Do you have faith in Tommy?”
Robin: “Yes…”
Kenny: “Then let all pray for him and give him the support he need for the fight… OK?”
Robin: “Hmmm…”
Kenny: “I go and get some drink for you… You stay with Tommy and talk to him…”
Robin: “OK…”
Kenny: “I’ll be back shortly…”
Darryl: “I go with you…” Kenny nodded…

As they walking along the corridor, tears started flowing down from Kenny’s eyes… Darryl stops him and gives him a hug… Both of them just broke down… Kenny looked up to Darryl and said

“I don’t ever want to lose you… Never in my life…” This is the first time he saw it in Kenny’s eyes… Fear…

After so long, he saw fear in his eyes… Fear of losing Darryl…It’s a emotion that Darryl cannot explain… But it hit him real hard… Never once he think that he is so important to Kenny especially after Jason’s incident… But today, he sees it in Kenny’s eye that Kenny is afraid of losing him… The intensity of fear in his eyes surprises Darryl…

To be continue…

Love Is... (Part 62 - Robin)

Looking at Kenny giving the physical and emotion support to Tommy really touches him deeply… He wondered to himself will he ever do what Kenny do if Kenny is not here with him… Will he extend his hand to Tommy to give his the support? This simple gesture really touches everyone in the room… Tears flow down Darryl’s cheeks… It was a heartfelt moment for everyone present in the room… Kenny constantly repeating to Tommy not to give up and holding him tightly and allowing him to let out his emotions…

Kenny: “Feeling better?”
Tommy: “Thank you…”
Kenny: “Don’t mention… I may not really know you but I am here to give you whatever I got…”
Tommy: “Thank you…”

Robin instructed the driver to bring Darryl and Kenny to the room for a rest. As they are heading up to their room, driver told them that they are the only guests here since Robin and Tommy moved here. And their arrival will sure give Robin and Tommy the boost in fighting…

While in their room, Kenny put down his bag and walk to the window heavy footed. Darryl knows that Kenny is just putting up a strong front to both Robin and Tommy; deep inside emotions must be stirring like a storm. Darryl decided to let Kenny be alone for a moment… He sat down at the bed and look at Kenny quietly…

After nearly 30 minutes later, Kenny walked toward Darryl and sat beside him.

Kenny: “You ok?”
Darryl: “I should be the one asking you…”
Kenny: “I’m fine just a bit emotional after seeing both of them…”
Darryl: “I feel the same too… You are very brave just now…”
Kenny: “I know how you feel about Tommy but we are not here to put blame on anyone… Like what Robin has said, whatever happens has happen… If he can forgive Tommy and be there for him, we should too… This is the reason why we are here, right?”
Darryl: “Yup… You are right…”
Kenny: “Let just put everything behind and give them the support…”
Darryl: “OK… I love you…”
Kenny: “It been so long since I hear this sentence from you… I love you too…”
Darryl: “Why don’t you go freshen up and then take a nap…”
Kenny: “I’m ok… Just thinking of what Tommy said to me just now…”
Darryl: “What did he say?”
Kenny: “He said his days are numbered and he is worried of not able to make it thus….”
Darryl: “What?”
Kenny: “Thus he wants me to bring Robin back to Singapore before he dies as he doesn’t want Robin to see him in his death bed… He wants me to promise him that I will do it when we leave for home…”
Darryl: “But how? You know it near impossible for us to do that as much as we want to…”
Kenny: “The only thing we can do is talk to Robin but the final decision will be on him… I can’t possibly kidnap him and force him on plane right…”
Darryl: “I understand…”
Kenny: “I’m lost…”
Darryl: “Just don’t about it… We’ll work thing out together… Just lie down and rest for awhile…”

They didn’t sleep but more of lying in each other arms and comforting each other without any word spoken… Not long after, the driver knocked and invited them to the dining table for lunch… Nothing much was spoken during except for some latest update on each other… After lunch, they sat at the living room and relax…Laughter can be heard within the house and maybe what the drive said is right… It had been so long since Robin and Tommy have any visitor… Then Tommy decided to have a talk with Kenny alone so they went out to the garden and chat…

Robin: “I have not seen him so happy before since he is here…”
Darryl: “Maybe it just the extra person here and got more stuff to chat about…”
Robin: “Ya I guess…”
Darryl: “You have lose so much weight… Did you eat?”
Robin: “Yes…. Erm… I guess is the treatment…”
Darryl: “You sure?”
Robin: “Yup…”
Darryl: “So what treatment you are going through?”
Robin: “Erm… You know… The normal treatment for HIV”
Darryl: “At least I am glad that you are seeking treatment… I was so worry for you…”
Robin: “Don’t worry; I will take care of myself…”
Darryl: “Actually, Kenny and I were hoping that you will come back to Singapore with us…”
Robin: “I don’t think I can… I cannot leave Tommy here as you can see for yourself. He needs me around”
Darryl: “Frankly speaking, we didn’t know that he is with you when we discuss about that…”
Robin: “I understand. But even if he is not here with me, I don’t think I will go back to Singapore…”
Darryl: “Why?”
Robin: “Nobody in Singapore will accept me as a HIV positive… They will see me as a plague… I don’t want to be discriminate by the general public; I don’t want to hide for my life…”
Darryl: “Then why are you here?”
Robin: “I… I…”
Darryl: “Are you telling me you are not hiding here?”
Robin: “I… I…”
Darryl: “We don’t want you to fight this fight alone… Yes, it is not going to be easy but it is not terminal as well… There have been living examples that is HIV positive but live their life like nothing happens… You cannot run from the public eye… That is something we have to accept since we are gay… We cannot change everyone but we change ourselves to fit in…”
Robin: “I know what you mean…”
Darryl: “I can’t use word to explain to you how sad I am now seeing you like this.. I heard from the driver that both of you have been rejecting visit and secluding yourselves out in this house… You never leave the house; you never do anything about getting well… And yet you lied to me that you go through treatment…”
Robin: “Driver told you that?”
Darryl: “Nope… He didn’t say anything but instead he told me both of you have been going to doctor very often…”
Robin: “Then how…”
Darryl: “It not difficult to figure out though… No medication since I step into the house till now… You have not taken any medication at all…”
Robin: “Sorry…”
Darryl: “So since you find out till now, you didn’t even try once to see a doctor right?”
Robin: “….”
Darryl: “And after seeing Tommy, you decided that not to even try anymore right?”
Robin: “….”
Darryl: “If you love him, you should not have let him worry about you… This is coming from a person who has hurt someone he loves so deeply… You should do whatever you can to motivate him and support him and goes through the treatment together to enjoy more years to come... I may not be the best person to talk to you about love but I know what is like hurting someone and then regret about it…”

Tears were on the verge of breaking out but Darryl hold back… He told himself to be strong and not cry… He love Robin like a brother and knowing that he is literally giving up treatment is killing him… He knows what lies ahead of Robin… He held on to Robin hands…

“Please go for treatment…. Do it for Tommy… Do it for the person who loves you” Robin nodded…

A loud shout come from the garden….

“Tommy! Tommy! Wake up! Wake up!!!”

Robin and Darryl rushed out… Tommy was lying on the floor unconscious….

To be continue…

Confused!!!

I am at the cross road once again... This time, by a person i called my friend...

We have plan together to build a business together but then deep inside me, i wonder will he back out... "We will discuss when i'm back..." is what i gotten from him... So is he keen or is he not... I am confused

We have plan to travel together when he is back this time round but once he attached, everything goes down the drain... In fact, i don't think he even remember about the trip... I once say to him, the moment, he got into a relationship, everything else means nothing to him... he said he will not... But guess i am right about this....

I started to realise that maybe a friend to him is something less important than a relationship... What make me think so? Hmmm... Maybe this is what exactly happen the last time he was back... We suppose to meet up to discuss business but in the end, i was being fly aeroplane because he spend all his time when he is back with his new lover... And the business has taken a back seat again...

This time round, i guess the same situation happen again... He is in a new relationship and this time round, when he is back, most of his time will be spend with his new partner/ parents... They even managed to have a trip together... So does he remember that we have some business discussion to do... I seriously doubt so... as he will be travelling most of the time he is back...

So i am confuse by his word and actions... Now, i have problem trusting him... Once and again, i put my trust in him with his words... But once and again, i lose faith in him with his actions...

Everything to me seem like words don't come with a responsibility to him... Just say and then forget...

It always going to be... "Hey my trip this time round is really very packed, will chat when i back next time..." Then next time come, nothing... another next time come, nothing...

Maybe i make a wrong choice in trusting and having faith in him... Maybe i am wrong about him... Maybe i am right about him... I'm confused... Really confused...

I trust you.... But once again, I am disappointed by you... You win again!!!

Ps: Expectation is not from me but what you have given me to expect... But then you destroy this trust with your own actions once again....

Love Is... (Part 61 - Support)

After much discussion, they decided to fly to Bangkok by the earliest date… The ticketing centre is giving Darryl a hell of time for insisting not to change the ticket for him to earlier date… Kenny saw Darryl having a heated argument with the ticketing office and he was impressed on how Darryl is so determine in getting things done…

Darryl: “OK… We’ll be flying to Bangkok this Sat…”
Kenny: “Impressive!!! I bet I will never get things done like you do…”
Darryl: “They are just finding ridiculous reason to make me pay more only…”
Kenny: “Anyway, we are flying off this sat and hopefully, we can give him the support that he need… I hope so…”
Darryl: “OK.. I better head back to work already… My lunch time over…”
Kenny: “But we have yet to eat…”
Darryl: ‘I’ll just grab subway on way back…”
Kenny: “OK then…”

Soon, it was already Saturday… Both were getting ready to leave for airport when Darryl suddenly broke into tears…

Kenny: “What happen?”
Darryl: “I don’t know… “
Kenny: “Are you doing ok?”
Darryl: “No… Something bad going to happen… Something bad going to happen…”
Kenny: “Nothing going to happen… OK? I am here with you… Try to calm down…”
Darryl: “But everything seems so familiar… I have been in this position in my dream before…”
Kenny: “Don’t think too much… People change and thus future change as well… So what you have dreamed of will change too… So just calm down… We need to go to the airport now… I am here with you…”

Darryl tried to calm himself down but everything around him seems so familiar; from the drive to the airport to the conversation he had with Kenny… It’s an exact duplicate of what going on in his dream… Darryl hope that what happen in the dream don’t ever come true…

3 hours later, they touched down at Bangkok airport… They were expecting Robin to pick them up but he is nowhere to be seen… Darryl then called his mobile… No answer as well…

“Please don’t let the dream come true…” Darryl said softly

And within a few minutes from the phone call, a guy approached Darryl…

“Are you Mr Daryl? Mr Robin sends me here… Here a letter from him…” Darryl take over the letter and read it… Robin explained that he is too sick to drive thus sending the driver to pick them up instead…

“Please follow me, Mr Darryl… Mr Robin is waiting for you…” Both of them followed the man and got onto the car… Darryl’s heart just sinks deeper and deeper into the sea… Kenny sensed Darryl’s worry and consoled him… Darryl held on to Kenny’s hand tightly but it just doesn’t help… Kenny asked the driver where they are heading to… But no answer from driver… They just keep on driving and driving and driving…

Finally the car come to a stop, they were at the outskirt of the border… The place seems so quiet and out of the way… It like someone trying to seclude himself from the world… Darryl looked at Kenny… He really started to worry now…

“Mr Darryl, Mr Robin is waiting for you inside… Please follow me…”

Darryl and Kenny followed the driver and reached a small little humble house standing alone in an empty field… As they approached the house, they feel more and more uncomfortable… Not because of the surrounding but how Robin is doing now…

Driver opened the door and asks them to take a seat… Looking around the house, it was quite well furnished but yet humble… Nothing lavishing but enough to feel someone stay in here…

Within minute, they saw a figure walking toward them… It was Robin… But both of them could hardly recognize him… He lost so much weight since they last saw him… Darryl ran forward and gives Robin a hug… Darryl broke into tears…

Darryl: “I’m sorry to visit only so late… I’m sorry”
Robin: “Don’t worry… I doing fine… just lost a bit of weight…”
Darryl: “How have you been holding up?”
Robin: “I am doing fine… Just trying to stay away from everything… So move here to relax… It’s too taxing in the city… Hi, Kenny…”
Kenny: “Hi…” Kenny was trying to control his emotion within him…
Robin: “Take a seat… I am glad that both of you are still together…”
Kenny: “Yes, we are… And I owe you a big thank you…”
Robin: “I did nothing at all… Though I am not sure what is really going on but I just letting Darryl know how I feel about you that all…”
Kenny: “Still, I owe you a big thank you…”
Robin: “There is someone else I want you to meet…”
Darryl: “Who?”
Robin: “Come on out…”

Out come another person, looking so fragile and so weak… he need to be supported by the driver… Darryl find him familiar…

“Tommy?” Darryl said out loud and looks at Robin who returned a nod…

Tommy take a seat next to Robin and Robin held on to his hand… Darryl was puzzled and looked at Kenny...

Robin: “I know both of you maybe thinking why he is here?”
Darryl: “I am just surprised after what he did to you…”
Robin: “Remember what I have told you... Everyone deserves a second chance…”
Darryl: “But you will not be in this stage if not for him…”
Robin: “Whatever happens has already happen… Look at him now, do you think you can just leave him on the street and suffer there alone… Ultimately, he is my boyfriend for the past 7 years… I can’t just bring myself to leave him there…”
Darryl: “But…”
Robin: “I don’t blame him for what happen to me… We are in love and everything just seems right… I am careless and thought it will be ok… I have no one else to blame but myself… And I find out he did cheat on me at all… It’s the drug addiction… I was mad because he is doing drug behind my back… But knowing that he left me because he don’t want to be a burden to me… It just stabs me so deep that you can literally hear my heart failing… I still love him and since I am also positive so I thought wouldn’t it be better to give each other support till the end of our lives together…”
Darryl: “But…” Kenny stopped Darryl before he can continue…
Kenny: “So how have you been holding up, Tommy?”
Tommy: “I don’t know how to answer you… A day is a day… If I can still wake up tomorrow, it will be a blessing for me…”
Kenny: “I am sure you will… Just don’t give up… Ok? Don’t give up…”

Kenny held Tommy hand and Tommy break into tears… Darryl looks at Kenny and was touched by his gesture towards Tommy… He never sees Kenny in such admiration at all… The supports he gives to Tommy, the physical support by holding his hand really give Tommy a boast in his fight towards HIV… He is really here to give anyone in need the support that they need… Be it Darryl, Robin or Tommy…

To be continue….

A quiz I taken....

This is a quiz that i took from a friend who send me the link last night while on msn... Was really surprise how accurate it is... I would say it nearly 100% accurate.... Never once i think that quiz like this will be accurate but guess sometime, they does surprise you....

If you like to know to do the quiz... This is the webbie

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Love Is ... (Part 60 - Love Again)

After confirming the tickets, Darryl wanted to call Kenny about it but he held back… And get back to work… Time flies really fast while you are really busy… It already 8pm by the time Darryl leaves the office… While he was driving, he gives a call to Kenny…

Kenny: “Hi…” A hint of excitement coming from the other side of the phone…
Darryl: “What are you doing now?”
Kenny: “Erm… Nothing much I guess… Just at home waiting for you to call me…”
Darryl: “Oh… I just talked to Robin today and he sounded sick… I was wondering whether you want to go visit him next month…”
Kenny: “YES YES… Of course…”
Darryl: “OK… anyway I have already booked the ticket today morning…”
Kenny: “Oh… Am I suppose to book my own tickets?”
Darryl: “Already done that for you…”’
Kenny: “Oh OK…” Darryl can hear the smiling voice from him…
Darryl: “Have you taken your dinner?”
Kenny: “Not yet…”
Darryl: “Waiting for Jason?”
Kenny: “NO! Was just thinking whether I should ask you out and re-woo you again”
Darryl: “I c…Then I better hang up now… You think about it then… Bye…”’
Kenny: “Wait… You want to have dinner together?”
Darryl: “I am kind of tired…”
Kenny: “Oh… OK then…”
Darryl: “I am heading home to rest… You buy over ba…”
Kenny: “OK! Ok!”
Darryl: “See you then…”
Kenny: “OK…”

Not long after Darryl reached home, Kenny walks through the door… He leaves the food down and walk up to Darryl who is sitting on the couch… He gives Darryl a peck on the face and sit next to him…

Kenny: “Tired?”
Darryl: “Yup… Slightly…”
Kenny: “Let have dinner after your shower and then go rest early ok…”
Darryl: “OK”
Kenny: “You go shower and I prepared the dinner…”
Darryl: “You are cooking?”
Kenny: “Ermmm… No lar… just get ready the food only… Hahaha”
Darryl: “OK… I go shower then…”

Darryl was in the shower and Kenny came in and joins him…Nothing was said… Kenny scrubs Darryl back for him and gives him a massage... Kenny turns Darryl over and gives him a kiss on the lip…

“I am sorry… Thanks for letting me in your life again…” Darryl smiled…

Over dinner, Darryl decided to tell Kenny about Robin condition…

Kenny: “Are you serious? Since when…?”
Darryl: “I knew it when Robin visited recently.. I have actually promised him not to tell anyone but I have talk to him today and I decided that I should let you know about it too…”
Kenny: “Did you tell him you telling me?”
Darryl: “Yes… I know I have made a promise but at this time, he need all the supports that he need…So I have informed this morning… I need to be fair to you as well in case you would not want to go and visit him… Ultimately like he said, most of his friends see him as a plague… I know he is lonely and scare… I can hear it from his voice…”
Kenny: “Do I look like such a person to you?”
Darryl: “I don’t know… It’s not easy for both party I guess… He is my good friend so I willing to stand by him and support him…
Kenny: “He is my friend too… Maybe we should persuade him to come back here instead of staying there…”
Darryl: “I am thinking of that too… He need our support…”
Kenny: “OMG… How can such thing happen to such nice person…?”
Darryl: “That’s life I guess… You will never know what you getting yourself into the very next minute… He sounded very weak today but he keeps insisting he is doing fine…”
Kenny: “Maybe we should go earlier… Why not we check our schedule and see the earliest date for both of us to go there? I know you must be very worry about him now…”
Darryl: “I am… He sounded very weak but yet I…”
Kenny: “I understand how you feel. I feel helpless too…”
Darryl: “I just hope that he doesn’t give up without a fight”
Kenny: “I know… We shall pray for him… It not going to be an easy fight but I am sure he will be the fighter we known him to be…”
Darryl: “Hopefully so…”
Kenny: “You go take a rest… I’ll clean up before I head home…”
Darryl: “You are going home?”
Kenny: “You want me to stay over?”
Darryl: “Up to you… I’m going to the bedroom…”
Kenny: “Yes!”

Darryl smile and head to the bedroom. He put up some light music to relax... Within minutes, Kenny head into the bedroom… Darryl lying face down on the bed… Kenny went up and lied next to him… Darryl looked at him and Kenny looked back at him…

Kenny: “I love you and I’m sorry for everything that I have done…”
Darryl: “I know… I maybe able to let it go this time… But I cannot guarantee I will be able to the next time….”
Kenny: “Thank you…And I promise there will never be another time”
Darryl: “Don’t thank me… It’s Robin to persuade me that you deserve a second chance… He told me that after more than 20 years; I should know better who you are… And hopefully what you say is not lies…”
Kenny: “No… I seriously wanted to tell you but I just could not buck up my courage because I am also unsure whether I did it or not… I should have done so earlier before he comes here”
Darryl: “Whatever it is, you need to work extra hard to regain the trust I have... And I assume you will sort it out with Jason…”
Kenny: “You still want me to see him…”
Darryl: “I think no matter it’s a yes or no; you should clear the air the right way… So none of us will suffocate in it… Don’t leave thing hanging there… It will not be good for anyone of us…”
Kenny: “I understand… I will do anything it takes… I don’t want to lose you… Believe me; I regretted everyday for my actions…”
Darryl: “I am just giving it another try and hopefully, it will work out fine this time round…”
Kenny: “I love you… You are the best…”

Kenny lean forward and give Darryl a kiss and this kiss slowly developed into some passionate and explosive for both of them… Clothes were taken off in record time ever… Hands were moving up and down each other… Kenny lie on top on Darryl and slowly caressed his body… Inch by inch he move lower and lower….

To be continue….

Love Is... (Part 59 - Forgiveness 2)

Darryl just continues crying in Kenny’s shoulder until he fallen asleep…

*Alarm sounded*

Darryl woke up and realizes that he had fallen asleep in Kenny arms… The body warmth of Kenny makes him feel secure… He just wants to snuggle in with him but then again, he feels weird about the feeling as he is unsure whether he should forgive Kenny… What if what he say is true… Maybe nothing really happens between Jason and him… What if it all Jason own feeling for falling in love with Kenny… What if Jason is just too possessive…?

He looked at Kenny in his sleep and his heart just melted… He tried to get up to get ready for work without waking Kenny but it is near impossible… Kenny awake with the slightest action…

Kenny: “Where you going?”
Darryl: “I need to get ready for work…”
Kenny: “What time already?”
Darryl: “7.40am…”
Kenny: “Oh ok… I’m up…”
Darryl: “You sleep a little longer ba… You don’t start work so early anyway…”
Kenny: “I need to leave with you…”
Darryl: “Why?”
Kenny: “You forget you took back the keys last night and return me the ring…”
Darryl: “I forgot…”
Kenny: “So does that means you have forgiven me?”
Darryl: “I don’t know… There are too many things involve now so I don’t know how to give you the answer…”
Kenny: “I’m not pressurizing you but I really don’t want to lose you…”
Darryl: “You should have think about that before…”
Kenny: “I do… I…”
Darryl: “I need to get ready for work… You keep the keys first… We may not be couple but we can still be friends…”
Kenny: “You serious on breaking up… “
Darryl: “I don’t know… Let me go to work first…”
Kenny: “Let have dinner tonight?”
Darryl: “I need sometime alone… Some other day ba…”
Kenny: “Then I shouldn’t be holding your keys then…”
Darryl: “Up to you…”

Darryl left for the shower and he heard Kenny left the house before him… He dried himself and head out… An empty feeling filled him up… He looked around and Kenny had really left… He head back into his room and saw Kenny left a note on the dressing table for him together with the ring…

“Darryl Dear,

I know it may be hard for you to forgive me on the mistake that I have done but I really want you to know that no matter what happen, I have never meant anything of such to happen…

I must admit that I am a coward for not admitting my mistake to you earlier because I myself am unsure of the happening… However, I have to take full responsibility of whatever have happen…

I hope you will forgive me one day and let me love you again like what I have love you for the past 20 years… I don’t want this to end but I know I am no longer in position to have any say in this relationship because of an error I made…

I am really sorry and hopefully I will hear from you soon…

Love,
Kenny Dear”

Darryl kept the note in his organizer and wore the ring around his neck. He got changed and went to work...

While he was driving to work, he just has an urge to call someone to talk to… So he dialed a number…

“Sawadee…”

Darryl: “Robin…”
Robin: “Darryl?” Robin sounded very weak..
Darryl: “Yes… How are you holding up?”
Robin: “I guess I’m OK… How are you?”
Darryl: “I’m ok… just need to talk to someone…”
Robin: ‘About Kenny?”
Darryl: “How do you know?”
Robin: “Well I guess he is the only topic you will not be able to talk to him about…”
Darryl: “You know me well…”
Robin: “So what happen…?”

Darryl told Robin what has happen and how confused he is feeling now… Robin said he understand how Darryl is feeling now but yet he also said that Darryl in fact have already forgiven Kenny due to the guilt that for the past few months, he has been avoiding him and not being a boyfriend to Kenny…

Darryl: “You really think so? But I have some many unanswered questions floating in my mind…”
Robin: “Yes I am sure… Why think so much? You know this is always your problem… You tend to think too much and then one leads to another, you feel that nothing seems to work anymore…”
Darryl: “But…”
Robin: “Ask yourself… Is it really very important to find out who is telling the truth? If it is Jason, then what will you do? Breakup with Kenny… If it is Kenny, forgive him?”
Darryl: “I know what you mean…”
Robin: “The most important thing you need to ask yourself is… Do you love Kenny? It may sound weird to you but the truth is you are not sure who is telling you the truth so why not give Kenny the benefit of doubt if you love him… Of course I am not asking you to forgive him if this ever happen again but at least for now… If you still love him, then there is nothing much you need to think about… You may be thinking why would Jason lied to you, right?”
Darryl: “Yup…”
Robin: “I cannot answer you on that question as well but all I know is that you know Kenny for more than 20 years already and I think he deserve another chance… But the decision is still up to you… However, from what I have heard from you just now, you have already forgiven him…”
Darryl: “Maybe I have… Thanks for the advice…”
Robin: “That what friends are for, right?”
Darryl: “So how you feeling now? Did you go for any treatment?”
Robin: “Erm…. Yes…”
Darryl: “I will fly there next month to visit you…”
Robin: “Really? Cool… I will make arrangement for you once you get the date fixed…”
Darryl: “OK… I will keep you updated… I really miss you…”
Robin: “Me too… So we catch up again… I’ll call you whenever I can…”
Darryl: “I will too… Got to go now… Heading into office…”
Robin: “OK, I will wait for your update…”
Darryl: “OK… Bye…”
Robin: “Hope to see both of you here next month…”
Darryl: “OK…”

After ending the call with Robin, Darryl made some calls to the travel agents to book the tickets to Bangkok… He really needs to see Robin and how he had been holding up… He booked tickets for 2…

To be continue…

Love Is... (Part 58 - Forgiveness)

It was 5am in the morning…

Darryl was lost… He is unsure of what he is going to do now… He started to regret his action of breaking up with Kenny but on the other hand, he knows he cannot accept the fact that Kenny cheated on him… But Kenny did mention that he was drunk and high… So maybe he did not really do it but Jason….

“OMG! Why am I missing him so much? Why am I feeling sad than angry? I need to stop thinking of him… I just need some time… Time will heal right? ” Darryl thought to himself…

He opened his room door and has a scare… Kenny was standing right in front of his bedroom…

Kenny: “You ok?”
Darryl: “I’m doing fine… Why are you still here? It’s 5am…”
Kenny: “I….”
Darryl: “If you have nothing else, please leave…”
Kenny: “Dear, I….”
Darryl: “I’m longer your dear…”
Kenny: “No… You always will be… Can I just have a chance to explain myself? Please?”
Darryl: “What there to explain? Your Jason comes all the way to my place to tell me he loves you and you have slept with him… What’s there to explain? Isn’t it all been told already?”
Kenny: “Can you please hear me out?”
Darryl: “It’s late and I need to work later… You better go…”
Kenny: “Please… I won’t take long... Just hear me out… And after that, if you still insist of breaking off… I promise I will leave you alone…”
Darryl: “You know this is what I been worrying about since we started together… After this relationship, we may not even be friends anymore.”
Kenny: “That is why I really hope that you can hear me out before making the decision...”
Darryl: “…”
Kenny: “I know what I did was wrong and frankly I do not know what was happening… I know that I went drinking with Jason and after a few drink, I woke up on his bed naked… I could not remember anything more than having drink with him at the club… I just needed someone to talk to as it has been a very difficult time for both of us to deal with… More for me, both of us lost grandmother but I almost lost you too… It just too much for me to take… I wanted to talk to you but each time, it hurt me 3 times more than it hurt you… I seriously just wanted to find someone that I can talk to… I have no feeling to him and I really do not know what happen that night… I swear I really do not know…”
Darryl: “So? What has it got to do with me now? You once scolded me for only thinking of myself and hurting the person around me but do you how much you have hurt me now that I know you sleep with someone else and this someone else actually come to my place to make a scene… I may not have be the best boyfriend for the past few months but then I have not cheated or even attempted to do anything unfaithful to you… Do you know?”
Kenny: “I know and I really feel bad of what I have done… I am confused too… He keeps saying we have done something but yet I don’t remember anything at all… I was drunk and I swear to grandma and you that I really do not know what is going on except for me naked in his bed…”
Darryl: “So are you telling me that you are innocent?”
Kenny: “No… I was naked on his bed and that’s the truth but I am unsure whether we have done it or not…”
Darryl: “What’s the difference?”
Kenny: “The difference is i never choose to cheat on you and I never want to hurt you… But I know I have and it is something I cannot turn back or to change anything… I am sorry… I have done what I shouldn’t have done…”
Darryl: “But you just say you don’t remember?”
Kenny: “Yes, I don’t but yet I also cannot take away the truth that I am naked in his bed which I should not have done in the first place…”
Darryl: “So what you trying to say now?”
Kenny: “I love you and I never meant to hurt you but I cannot take away what I have done and what Jason has done to you today… I ask for your forgiveness and hopefully that we can be together and work for our future… I promise you that no matter what happen in the future, I will never cheat or betray you ever again… Will you forgive me?”
Darryl: “I don’t know…”
Kenny: “I know I am in no position to ask for your forgiveness… I am in position to even be in a relationship with you after what had happen. I know you are disappointed in me, I know you are angry with me… But I really don’t want to lose you… I’m unsure what had happen but I am willing to take full responsibility for the thing I have done or not done…”
Darryl: “If that the case, you should be responsible to Jason… You have already betrayed our commitment to each other, you have already taken away the trust I have in you, you have killed the future we may have with your own hands… You have destroyed it with your own hand… I don’t know how to face you or this relationship anymore… I don’t know anymore…” Tears flowed down his cheeks…
Kenny: “I am sorry for hurting you… But I love you…”
Darryl: “Stop saying you love me… If you do, you will not cheat on me… If you love me, you will not do it with him… I don’t know who is telling me the truth… I don’t know who I should believe… He told me you make passionate love… You told me you don’t remember… You told me you looking for friends… He told me you flirt with him… He says you don’t love him but yet he asks me to leave you so you can be with him forever… I really don’t know anymore… I really don’t know…” Darryl breaks down and cried….
Kenny: “I know… I know… I am sorry…”

Kenny moved up and gives him a hug and this time Darryl did not resist… He fall into Kenny’s hug and cried out loud… Kenny tried to calm him down but Darryl just keep crying… Kenny understands that it is a mixed emotion for Darryl now… He wanted to let Darryl know that he is there for him… But he did not say it out… Maybe actions speak louder than words… He just let Darryl cried… He did not know what else he can say anymore... From the cries of Darryl, he knows that he had hurt him very much... He knows he needs to work extra hard to ask for forgiveness from Darryl…

But first, he needs to handle Jason well…

“I’m sorry… Please forgive me… I will not make the same mistake ever again… I promise…”

To be continue…