Lost Again

Last night, I am back to this unfamiliar place again... I don’t know what is wrong; I don’t know what is going on with me… I just do not know what went wrong… But the feeling just rose from nowhere… The urge of doing it is so strong…

I thought the feeling will be gone by the time when I finished the combat class but then I never notice it just get stronger...

As I was travelling home after gym, my thought was going crazy… Negative thought keep pumping into me… Nothing positive… Nothing at all…

I am lost once again and this time round, I lost myself deeper and deeper into the unfamiliar world…

I live in the dark last night… I did not switch on the light when I’m home, I did not switch on my PC… I sat myself down in the total darkness and look out of the windows… I am in a daze of what is going on with me… What is wrong with ME!!!!!

Why have I not win the fight out of this unfamiliar place… I’m getting tired… I’m getting exhausted… I’m thinking of giving up… I don't wanna fight anymore... Maybe i should just give in... Maybe i should juts surrender... Maybe i should...

NO!!! NO!!! NO!!! I'm not going back again... I am not going back!!!!...

I need to fight!!! I need to Fight!!! I NEED TO FIGHT!!!!!