Love Is... (Part 48 - Breakdown)

Since that moment, Darryl has not spoken a single word to anybody including Kenny… This persisted over the wake… No words were spoken by Darryl, nothing were being eaten, everyday is just sleepless night for Darryl…Everyone in the family gets worried but no matter who tried to talk to him, Darryl just refused to speak… Nothing at all…

But day after day, Kenny just keep trying and trying… He knew that Darryl is hiding his feeling like a zombie. He knew that Darryl was feeling really hurt by the news and maybe Darryl is feeling guilty about the decision that he made… Seeing Darryl in this state really kill Kenny… He walked to Darryl another time and tried again…

“Dear, please stop torturing yourself… Please… It really hurt me to see you like this… You have not eaten, sleep or talk for the past 4 days… And tomorrow is the funeral, we need you there… Please, Dear… Please don’t do this… Grandma will be sad to see you like this… And you know it… You know it very well that she is sad seeing you like this… She is not out of your life if you don’t want her to… She will always be by your side… She will always look after and protect you… You know it, don’t you? Can you please talk to me… Even if it is just one word, can you?”

No response still…

“Dear, the family needs you, I need you and grandma needs you… I brought some food with me… Can you just eat some? I’ll feed you…”

Kenny scoops up the rice and brings to Darryl but Darryl refused to eat…

“Haiz… Al least let me know what else can I do for you, I leave the food here for you…?”

Kenny put the food down and walked away…

Inside Darryl’s heart, he knows what Kenny trying to do… But then he was being shut out by the guilt… It is because of his selfish decision that grandma is died… If he allowed the doc to save grandma, maybe she will still be here… Maybe she will be well… Maybe she will be discharge soon… And it because of this guilt that push him into denial… The struggle inside him, the confusion that he has, the sadness that he feel… All just jumble up…

Whenever he saw everyone crying, the guilt just double and even triple inside him… Did he make a mistake? Did he make the wrong decision? Did he make the decision too impulsively?... All these questions keep repeating inside him…

He knew when people come over to talk to him, but he just does not know what to say to them He was dumbfounded… He does not even dare to look at them in the eyes…

On the day of the funeral, Darryl appears from the back of the venue and walks toward grandma… He leans forward and give grandma another look…Everyone was shocked to see Darryl so composed and steady… Kenny walked up to him…

“You ok?”
“Yes…”
“Finally… You talk…”
“Sorry about it…”
“No… Don’t be… As long as you are doing ok, I am fine with it…”
“Yes…”

"You be ok?"

"Trying to..."

"I will be here if you need me..."

"Thanks..."

"Love you..."

"Love you too..."

Then the farewell ritual start, script were chanted and family members were asked to gather around to bid farewell to grandma... Everyone were shouting and crying to bid farewell except for Darryl... He stood at the side of grandma and remain silent... Kenny saw it and know that Darryl is trying very hard to control... But he do not want him to control himself... He really wanted Darryl to let go because for the past few days, as much as Darryl din spoke to him... He feel his pain and his struggle... So Kenny walked up to Darryl and give him a hug...

"Let it go... Cry it out... I know you wanted to... Don't control it anymore... Just cry it out"

With this push from Kenny, Darryl burst into tears...

"Grandma, Grandma, GRANDMA!!!! Don't go.... Don't go.... Come back... Grandma!!! Grandma!!!"

Darryl finally breakdown... All the emotions he had inside him is being released out... All the pain he had all this while... The denial stage he is in just to avoid the truth... Everything, every emotions were all out...

"Grandma... I'm sorry... Sorry for not being a good grandson to you... Don't leave me... Grandma... I'm Sorry... Sorry... Grandma... Sorry for making the decision... Sorry... Sorry for killing you... Its all my fault... Its all my fault.... Grandma... Its all my fault... Its all my fault... Grandma... I shouldn't have made the decision... Sorry... Sorry... Sorry... Grandma... Wake up... Grandma... Don't leave me... GRANDMA!!!!"

Kenny tried to console and calm him down but in the end he too was affected by the breakdown... He hugs Darryl and cried as well...

It going to be hard for everyone especially Darryl as grandma is the only woman in his life that matter the most to him... He finally understand why Darryl remain silence all this while... Because he feel guilty for making the decision and Kenny blamed himself for not being able to notice it earlier....

But unknown to Kenny, the breakdown of Darryl has lead Darryl into a place so deep inside a place that none of them have expected it to happen....

To be continue...