The news about Robin being HIV positive had really pushed Darryl deeper into his depression… Robin made Darryl promise not to disclose anything to anyone including Kenny… No on suppose to know about his status as he do not want anybody to worry for him… Darryl agreed reluctantly… He saw the dejected face of Robin and want to encourage but he got tongue tied… He can’t find the right word to console or say… All he can do it ask Robin not to give up…
After Robin left, Darryl stared blankly at the cup in front of him… He took the cup and smashed it onto the floor… Furiously, he picked up the broken piece and repeatedly cutting himself on his arms with the broken piece of cup he is holding…
A nurse came rushing in and try to control him… Darryl struggle free and it was chaotic inside the room… More and more people come in… Darryl struggle to break free
“Let go of me! Let go of me!!”
And all of sudden, he started to lose his control and lean against the wall… He tried to stand up but he can’t… He is totally weaken… Vision started to blur… Noise started to soften as well… He tried to shout but nothing comes out…. Soon it was black out…
Darryl regains conscious... He saw Kenny...
Kenny: “What the hell are you thinking!?”
Darryl: “I don’t know…”
Kenny: “You promise me you will not going to do anything silly again… YOU PROMISE ME!!!”
Darryl: “I….”
Kenny: “No! You listen to me… You only care for yourself... You think only you are suffering from her death… You think only you cannot get over it… But have you think of the people around you…? Do you know I am feeling when the hospital called to tell me you are trying to kill yourself? Do you? Losing your grandma is already not easy for me and everyone else… IT’S NOT JUST YOU!!!... Can you imagine how it will be for us if we lost you too…? Can you imagine it? What is it going to be for me?? Can you?”
Darryl: “I…”
Kenny: “No… How can you be so childish? Do you really think that she will be happy to see you there? Do you really thin she will be? How can you just take your life so lightly? How can you? I thought you are mature enough to know that she will be at better place now than suffering in the hospital, getting poked by the needles and constant injection… I’m seriously disappointed in you… And I am sure she is too… The grandson she is so proud of and love so much actually don’t treasure his life… You have disappointed her love to you… Go do what you want with your life… I don’t think you will ever know how people who really love you feel of your actions… And this is only about me at this moment because I still have yet to inform your family member…”
Darryl: “Don’t tell them…” Darryl cried… “I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”
Kenny: “Beside sorry… anything else…”
Darryl: “Sorry… I’m sorry…”
Kenny: “Enough… No point saying sorry after you hurt me with your action…”
Darryl: “Sorry….”
Kenny: “ENOUGH!!!... I don’t want to hear you say sorry… Can you imagine how would I feel now if you have died just now? Do you think you can still sorry now? I don’t want to hear sorry… I want you alive so that I can spend my future with you… Not you do silly thing already then say sorry… What if you never have a chance to say sorry anymore…? What if….? Forget it… No matter what I say, you will never understand… You will never know because you only think of yourself and you will never think of me”
Darryl: “….”
Kenny: “Since I know you, you always only think of yourself and how you want your life to be… I am just compromising because I love you… But I really don’t think I want to be around to see you to know that you have left me forever… You once said that with the ring on your hand, your commitment to me will not lessen… But this few days, I started to have doubt over it… Do you still mean what you have said…? If you do, then you will not do all these to hurt me…? I am confused…”
Darryl: “ I… I… It been a rough period for me… and I am really sorry that I have hurt you… I don’t know what is going on… I don’t know and sure anymore…”
Kenny: “You have never been sure since we started… Isn’t it? Since we started being together, you keep saying that you want to take a break because you are not sure of this, you not sure of that… Maybe now is the right time to take a break…”
Darryl: “…”
Kenny: “At this moment of time, I am the one not sure whether I can handle your silly actions anymore… It hurt me so bad that I don’t think I can take it seeing you lying motionless on the floor or the hospital calling me… I almost died seeing you like this… Plus I never thought I would have said this but I think this time round, you have to be on your own to understand the things you doing now is hurting me very much…”
Darryl: “Is that what you want…”
Kenny: “Frankly… No… But it the best for both of us… I also need time alone… I always love you and this love for you never lessens, it only grows stronger each day with you… That why it harder for me to know that you are not loving yourself as much as I am loving you…”
Darryl: “But why now…?”
Kenny: “It’s the best for us… I wanted to be here with you to help you through but no matter how much I tried, you just don’t seem to realize it… I guess I am tired and I should let your family know about this… If not, they may lose without even knowing anything happening to you…”
Darryl: “No… Don’t tell them… I need you… Please don’t leave me here…”
Kenny: “You must be tired... Have a rest…”
Darryl hangs on to Kenny hands… But Kenny pushed it away and tug him to bed…
To be continue….
After Robin left, Darryl stared blankly at the cup in front of him… He took the cup and smashed it onto the floor… Furiously, he picked up the broken piece and repeatedly cutting himself on his arms with the broken piece of cup he is holding…
A nurse came rushing in and try to control him… Darryl struggle free and it was chaotic inside the room… More and more people come in… Darryl struggle to break free
“Let go of me! Let go of me!!”
And all of sudden, he started to lose his control and lean against the wall… He tried to stand up but he can’t… He is totally weaken… Vision started to blur… Noise started to soften as well… He tried to shout but nothing comes out…. Soon it was black out…
Darryl regains conscious... He saw Kenny...
Kenny: “What the hell are you thinking!?”
Darryl: “I don’t know…”
Kenny: “You promise me you will not going to do anything silly again… YOU PROMISE ME!!!”
Darryl: “I….”
Kenny: “No! You listen to me… You only care for yourself... You think only you are suffering from her death… You think only you cannot get over it… But have you think of the people around you…? Do you know I am feeling when the hospital called to tell me you are trying to kill yourself? Do you? Losing your grandma is already not easy for me and everyone else… IT’S NOT JUST YOU!!!... Can you imagine how it will be for us if we lost you too…? Can you imagine it? What is it going to be for me?? Can you?”
Darryl: “I…”
Kenny: “No… How can you be so childish? Do you really think that she will be happy to see you there? Do you really thin she will be? How can you just take your life so lightly? How can you? I thought you are mature enough to know that she will be at better place now than suffering in the hospital, getting poked by the needles and constant injection… I’m seriously disappointed in you… And I am sure she is too… The grandson she is so proud of and love so much actually don’t treasure his life… You have disappointed her love to you… Go do what you want with your life… I don’t think you will ever know how people who really love you feel of your actions… And this is only about me at this moment because I still have yet to inform your family member…”
Darryl: “Don’t tell them…” Darryl cried… “I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”
Kenny: “Beside sorry… anything else…”
Darryl: “Sorry… I’m sorry…”
Kenny: “Enough… No point saying sorry after you hurt me with your action…”
Darryl: “Sorry….”
Kenny: “ENOUGH!!!... I don’t want to hear you say sorry… Can you imagine how would I feel now if you have died just now? Do you think you can still sorry now? I don’t want to hear sorry… I want you alive so that I can spend my future with you… Not you do silly thing already then say sorry… What if you never have a chance to say sorry anymore…? What if….? Forget it… No matter what I say, you will never understand… You will never know because you only think of yourself and you will never think of me”
Darryl: “….”
Kenny: “Since I know you, you always only think of yourself and how you want your life to be… I am just compromising because I love you… But I really don’t think I want to be around to see you to know that you have left me forever… You once said that with the ring on your hand, your commitment to me will not lessen… But this few days, I started to have doubt over it… Do you still mean what you have said…? If you do, then you will not do all these to hurt me…? I am confused…”
Darryl: “ I… I… It been a rough period for me… and I am really sorry that I have hurt you… I don’t know what is going on… I don’t know and sure anymore…”
Kenny: “You have never been sure since we started… Isn’t it? Since we started being together, you keep saying that you want to take a break because you are not sure of this, you not sure of that… Maybe now is the right time to take a break…”
Darryl: “…”
Kenny: “At this moment of time, I am the one not sure whether I can handle your silly actions anymore… It hurt me so bad that I don’t think I can take it seeing you lying motionless on the floor or the hospital calling me… I almost died seeing you like this… Plus I never thought I would have said this but I think this time round, you have to be on your own to understand the things you doing now is hurting me very much…”
Darryl: “Is that what you want…”
Kenny: “Frankly… No… But it the best for both of us… I also need time alone… I always love you and this love for you never lessens, it only grows stronger each day with you… That why it harder for me to know that you are not loving yourself as much as I am loving you…”
Darryl: “But why now…?”
Kenny: “It’s the best for us… I wanted to be here with you to help you through but no matter how much I tried, you just don’t seem to realize it… I guess I am tired and I should let your family know about this… If not, they may lose without even knowing anything happening to you…”
Darryl: “No… Don’t tell them… I need you… Please don’t leave me here…”
Kenny: “You must be tired... Have a rest…”
Darryl hangs on to Kenny hands… But Kenny pushed it away and tug him to bed…
To be continue….
2 comments:
is true what kenny said, i also realised that you never really show any concern about kenny, you always seems to forget that there is one person who love you so much, i think he love you more than you love yourself,it hurts to see the person you love hurting the themselves....
It not true... Darryl love him too very much too... Just that his way of showing it maybe different from Kenny....
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